10 Books for the Recovering Perfectionist

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I love reading.  I taught myself to read at a young age, quickly becoming engrossed in the world of books.  As Malcolm Gladwell expresses in the book Outliers: The Story of Success, it takes 10,000 hours of practice to become an expert of something.  If I haven’t yet reached that threshold I would be very surprised.
Because I have had the opportunity to sift through so many books (for better or for worse), I want to do a blog series on books that I would recommend to others, and grouping them by topic.
Please note that these lists are not an endorsement of the content.  These books are meant to be thought provoking and a way of starting conversation as you wrestle with topics, learn more, or seek to help another person.  I will not tolerate nasty comments directed at me or any other person who chooses to comment as a way of engaging in discussion.  However, dissent all you want! Differing opinions are necessary for us to grow.
All of that being said, let’s get on to the meat of this post.
I can’t remember the first time that I heard someone refer to themselves as a ‘recovering perfectionist’, but that phrase stuck with me.  These books are some of the ones that have helped me heal.  If you click on the image it will take you to the Amazon listing for the book.

Daring Greatly

“Vulnerability is not weakness, and the uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure we face every day are not optional. Our only choice is a question of engagement. Our willingness to own and engage with our vulnerability determines the depth of our courage and the clarity of our purpose; the level to which we protect ourselves from being vulnerable is a measure of our fear and disconnection.” -Brene Brown

This is more of an intellectual book than an easy book club read, but the logical part of my mind really appreciates the research aspect rather than just the feeling sentiments.  It has helped me to learn about why I should take risks in relationships and with being vulnerable in healthy situations.

Rising Strong

“The opposite of recognizing that we’re feeling something is denying our emotions. The opposite of being curious is disengaging. When we deny our stories and disengage from tough emotions, they don’t go away; instead, they own us, they define us. Our job is not to deny the story, but to defy the ending—to rise strong, recognize our story, and rumble with the truth until we get to a place where we think, Yes. This is what happened. This is my truth. And I will choose how this story ends.” -Brene Brown

While Daring Greatly is about getting out there and being vulnerable, Rising Strong is about reacting to failures or hurt. I appreciated that she doesn’t sugarcoat pain and bad experiences, but deals with the hard stuff.

Move On: When Mercy Meets Your Mess 

“We as believers cannot be effective in offering others hope and forgiveness when we’re not living in the light of that hope.” -Vicki Courtney
God uses broken people.  That’s the beginning and the end.

Not Who I Imagined: Surprised by a Loving God

“The good news of the Christian gospel is that God’s gracious face is turned toward ours in love… The face of God isn’t shaming us for being human. Instead, it lights up, eliciting our gaze and affection, as one who already knows us and loves us.”

I know in my head that God is loving and forgiving, but it can be hard for me to remember at times.  This book is written by someone who can relate to that.

You’re Loved No Matter What: Freeing Your Heart from the Need to Be Perfect

“We think that we have to take what’s broken and make it perfect in order to be used by God and bless others. But God thinks in a completely different way. He took what was perfect, his Son, and made him broken in order to bring us healing. So if you’re sitting there wondering if God can use you because your life is not as it should be, and your heart is aching—know that your greatest hurt will probably be your greatest ministry. Like the disciple Thomas who doubted until he touched the scars of Jesus, some people in your life need to see your broken places more than your victories.” -Holley Gerth

This quote sums up one of my biggest fears and finishes with truth and hope.

Scary Close: Dropping the Act and Finding True Intimacy

“It costs personal fear to be authentic but the reward is integrity, and by that I mean a soul fully integrated, no difference between his act and his actual person. Having integrity is about being the same person on the inside that we are on the outside, and if we don’t have integrity, life becomes exhausting.”

“Sometimes the story we’re telling the world isn’t half as endearing as the one that lives inside us.” -Donald Miller
Once again, the fear of failing in relationships is a big one and this book is an honest one from an author who is a struggling person as well.

The Cure: What if God isn’t who you think He is and neither are you?

“The quality of your life is based in trusting this: where you are right now is the perfect place for you, or the God of all goodness and power would not allow you to be there.”
“If we see needs as weaknesses, we’ll hide our limitations and call it self-reliance.”
“We believe this is maturity, but ‘I don’t need you’ is the language of the wounded heart.”
 This book miiiiiight get it’s own post one of these days.  It was purchased for me by a mentor who strongly recommended the book and The Cure has been very thought-provoking.

The Fringe Hours: Making Time for You

“But the lesson here is one we must embrace: sometimes we have to let go of self-imposed have-tos and settle for good enough. Just because you’re passionate doesn’t mean you have to do it. Though my windows aren’t dressed in that amazing fabric, they aren’t bare anymore. And that is good enough.” -Jessica N. Turner

Sometimes good enough is better than trying to be perfect.  Perfection is an unattainable standard.

Present over Perfect: Leaving Behind Frantic for a Simpler, More Soulful Way of Living

 “Many of us, myself, included, considered our souls necessary collateral damage to get done the things we felt we simply had to get done – because of other people’s expectations, because we want to be known as highly capable, because we’re trying to outrun an inner emptiness. And for awhile we don’t even realize the compromise we’ve made. We’re on autopilot, chugging through the day on fear and caffeine, checking things off the list, falling into bed without even a real thought or feeling or connection all day long, just a sense of having made it through.” -Shauna Niequist

While most of this book is filled with personal stories about the author’s life, she does share some of the tips that she has learned about prioritizing life and saying no.

Rest Assured: A Recovery Plan for Weary Souls

“God doesn’t compete with the clamor and white noise of our busy lives. He beckons us to come before Him in silence. He wants our full, undivided attention. He wants us to cultivate space in our days to lay ourselves at His feet and breathe. He calls us to be still, or as another translation (NASB) says, “Cease striving.” -Vicki Courtney

Ah, rest.  This is one of the hardest skills for me to learn, but I love the way the author incorporates Scripture into what she has learned about rest.

 

I would love to hear if you have read any of these books, or your book suggestions!!

Photo by Janko Ferlič on Unsplash

 

 

 

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Posted In: Reading
4
7 years ago

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4 Comments

  1. Love your book list. I discovered Beene Brown because her book, “The Gift of Imperfection.” It was like she wrote it from inside my brain. So good!

    I also enjoyed “Confessions of a Raging Perfectionist” by Amanda Jenkins, because sometimes you just need to know you’re not alone in the crazy.

    Reply

  2. Daring Greatly! <3 <3 <3 I have so, so, so much love for that book and for everything else that Brene Brown has written!

    I'll check out some of the others!

    Reply

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